Note: This teaching is not on the theology of the Trinity. The Holy Spirit is always part of the Godhead. Within God, the Holy Spirit is perfect. Within man, the spirit is not allowed to always be in control. Man’s spirit is imperfect. This is understood and will not be continuously mentioned as the emphasis is on the position of God and Jesus in comparison with husband and wife. This is not a theological discourse.

Most people go into marriage unprepared. They have this “Cinderella” storybook idea that when they get married they will live happily ever after. When, in fact, over half the marriages today end in divorce and most of the others are not what they could be and should be. Many people end up enduring marriage out of insecurity, financial handicaps and/or religious convictions. Many husbands feel cheated that their wives are boring, overweight and frigid; while some women think their husbands are rude, insensitive, and make them feel sexually like a prostitute. Why do people feel this way? What went wrong? Can it be corrected?

First of all, marriage unites two imperfect people. Everyone carries extra, unnecessary baggage (problems) with them into marriage. No one here is exempt. Everyone, without exception, has a selfish, sinful nature that daily has to be dealt with. So all come into marriage with scars (some deeper) and blemishes that need to be cleansed and healed. As we allow ourselves to be cleansed, healing begins and marriage becomes successful

Genesis 1:26-27: “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let him have dominion over...So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” In verse 26, we see the Father and Jesus decided to make man in His (God Trinity) image. God the Father, and God the Son (Jesus), two separate persons in divine individuality and divine plurality, capable of individually or collectively being called God. They are working in perfect unity as illustrated in verse 27, and throughout the Bible. They, God the Father and God the Son (Jesus), made man, the husband and the wife to work in perfect unity. When we speak of the plurality of man, or the human race (humanity), we mean both man and woman, as when we speak of the plurality of God we mean both God the Father and the Son, Jesus. Although the Father and the Son have different positions, they work selflessly in perfect harmony; each respecting and honoring the other. As man (husband and wife) matures in Christian character and conduct (sanctification), and their old baggage (selfishness, etc.) drops off, marriage becomes successful.

One of the most important ingredients in marriage is mutual respect. When one or both of the partners looses respect for the other, marriage looses its happiness. When we were dating, we accepted a date because we respected the person. By that person wanting to date us, we felt normal or wanted. People need to feel normal, wanted and accepted. We need to feel respected. Sometimes, we as people, can be quite unlovable and insensitive. Out of our immaturity, our selfish nature, which is not getting its own way, will attack (hurt or weaken) our spouse verbally or nonverbally instead of understanding that we are to blame. It is difficult to have the patience to minister to their need. We loose respect for them and they for us. We might even be so cruel as to say, “What’s wrong with you? Aren’t you normal?” Instead of building them up and helping to heal their weakness, we are tearing them down. Since the Bible tells us in Genesis 2:24, “and they shall be one flesh”, we are consequently destroying our marriage and ourselves. We are loosing the happiness, joy, companionship and sexual fulfillment that God had planned for us.

Another very important part of marriage is companionship. God (the Father and the Son) have perfect companionship one with another. They love being together, discussing things together: “Let us make man in our own image.” As the Father and Jesus have perfect companionship and fellowship, so they want man to have perfect fellowship also with them and each other (husband and wife). The companionship of God the Father and God the Son binds them together in wonderful unity. They respect one another. This companionship comprises an intimate bond and endures since sin and selfishness does not exist in it. The relationship between God the Father and God the Son is based on true partnership and equality even though position is different.

For marriage to be successful (filled with mutual respect, happiness and desire one for the other), there must be a true partnership relationship. As God the Father and God the Son accept each other as equal, so must husband and wife. Neither spouse must dominate or try to change the other’s individuality. As God the Father and God the Son could not exist and function successfully by competing or trying to dominate the other, neither can husband and wife. God the Father does not try to change Jesus’ individuality but recognizes the difference as complementary thus making the Godhead successful. The personality comprising the Fruit of the Holy Spirit (love, joy, peace, gentleness, meekness, goodness, temperance, patience and self-control) they possess in perfection. In order for compatibility between husband and wife to be successful as the Godhead, they also must develop in these areas derived from the Holy Spirit.

As with God (the Father and Jesus), so man (husband and wife) must have a fifty-fifty partnership based on mutual recognition and accepting of their differences. As they are separate persons, they each have equally important but different responsibilities and capabilities which when unified, make man complete and consequently a successful marriage.

When one spouse, usually the husband through human immaturity and a lack of understanding of himself (the components of one organism), assumes that he has or is entitled to greater respect, influence or importance in the home, tension and misunderstanding develop, creating a lack of respect one for the other. This lack of respect generates hostilities resulting in sexual incompatibility and distaste for the experience resulting in more problems within the marriage.

The success of marriage depends on a true understanding between husband and wife of their individual and distinctly different, yet equally important functions in the family. Being a pastor for many years, and working in law prior to that, I have seen many men dominate their wives thinking that all their problems would be gone if only the woman would humble herself and allow him to take the lead. Humility is depending on and following God’s ways: cooperation, selflessness, equality, and mutual respect for different duties. This portion is much different from the position of dictatorship, which results from a superiority complex that some men suffer from. Many men take the verse in Ephesians 5:23, “The husband is the head of the wife” as an excuse to justify their own selfishness. They do not understand, or want to accept that position as not one of superiority but rather a different and sometimes greater responsibility wherein both individuals are still equal. God is the head of Christ and this different in position and responsibility, but equal as God. I Corinthians 11:3 says, “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” Christ is a separate and distinct individual in the Godhead (marriage), the only begotten of the Father and the mediator between God and man, not between Himself and man. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” In the beginning God (Father and Son) created man. God did not create Jesus. Jesus was always with the Father. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God...and the Word was mad flesh and dwelt among us (and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father) full of grace and truth” (John 1). So Jesus, even though He has a different position and responsibility, is still equal with the Father. They still work in unity and harmony for the Godhead. So man must recognize that although they (husband and wife (are different in position, they are still equal in marriage just as all are equal in the sight of God.

I have seen when men do not understand this truth of equality and partnership. Instead of cooperation and respect for one another, there is arguing and fighting where there should be peace and happiness. Instead of building one another up, they tear each other down. Instead of the woman becoming edified, she develops a poor self-esteem due to his lack of respect and mature love. The man may be a virtual king in his own home since the wife can hardly challenge his authority. Yet the man is lonely because he cannot demand respect from his wife. This is not the way the Godhead works which man and marriage is based on. This is the result of sin; a lack of sanctification.

As mentioned earlier, the husband’s different position does not mean he is greater in the sight of God. No, both are equal. What it means is greater responsibility. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loves the church, and gave Himself for it.” Jesus Christ continued to give Himself to the church sacrificing His very life. We do not see a superior attitude, but a loving head that exhibits the fruits of the Holy Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, etc).

The head of the house carries added responsibility for the welfare of the family and especially the wife. I Peter 3:7 says, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heir together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” The apostle Peter clearly tells the husband that if he wants the blessing of the Lord in the business, home, etc., he had better honor and respect his wife, or else they are abusing the position designated to them by God.

The wife also has a role and responsibility to fulfill, regardless of how her husband faithfully fulfills his. You see, we are all responsible before God for our own faithfulness in performing our roles. The wife is still challenged by the Word to exhibit a personality full of the fruit of the Holy Spirit to be approved unto God. She should not return evil for evil, scream at or yell back or belittle her husband. With this behavior, the children loose respect for both parents; authority is corroded and true Christianity is a mockery. In some cases, the children are watching immature Christian parents. In other cases, the children are watching parents who claim to be Christians but their Christianity is only religion. Their own will is still their God. Rebellion is simply ignoring what the Word tells us to do and living the way we wish. Chastening and persecution are allowed by God to test our faith. We must respond according to Scripture and allow God’s Word to develop us into the Christian (image) God wants us to be. I believe marriage, for many people, is the only persecution they ever see. I believe God uses marriage to change our selfishness and test our faith.


Genesis 2:24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.”

Children are a blessing from the Lord and a real joy in the home. But after they are gone, your marriage partner still remains. Our marriage partner should be the most important person in our lives. As Jesus is to God the Father, and God the Father is to Jesus, children, as important as these people are, are not the partner in life that God instituted marriage for. Only in marriage can man be complete and each partner must keep in mind that their highest priority is each other and they need to exhibit that to each other.

Doctors tell us that the human composition has emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical components. All of these are interrelated and consequently must work in harmony for marriage to be successful. Love is a commitment. Parental love is a commitment to tenderly nurture and care for the child until their completion as man in marriage. Friendship love is a commitment between people of varying similarities; reaching out to meet mutual needs to a certain degree. But the love between husband and wife is far deeper and vastly more important than any other on earth. It is meant to make us complete: “The two shall be one flesh (one person).” Husband and wife need to be totally united together to protect each other, trust in one another, and confide in one another against the emotional and physical stresses and diseases in life. Ideally, there should not be secrets between them because how can one keep something from themselves? There should be total trust and respect; where one can share freely with one another without fear of ridicule or rejection; where spontaneously they can share their joys and sorrows freely. This is the ideal relationship that God meant for us to enjoy and to have.

God made marriage (He made man which is both husband and wife) so that man and woman can enjoy the deepest experiences of companionship and ecstasy. This deepest of love commitment amongst people in marriage has special sacred privileges that God meant only for husband and wife to enjoy and experience. It is free from guilt and disease because God created it for marriage. It is sacred for no other person can share this experience with one’s spouse. It is meant to confirm our personal allegiance with the other. It is the climax of our mutual respect and sharing of our emotional, intellectual and spiritual self with the other. It results in well being, happiness, good health and harmonious completeness of each individual. Marriage is emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical (sexual). Marriage makes us complete.

As Dr. Harold Shryock states, “This God-given provision is theirs to possess, to enjoy, and to use intelligently. When husband and wife are not satisfied with the degree of enjoyment they derive from sexual intercourse, or when one has more interest than the other in the physical expressions of love, the trouble is not that either of them is physically abnormal but, rather, that there are prejudices, conditions, fears, or unreal assumptions that handicap one, or both, in making progress forward and ideal adjustments. Problems stemming from the physical expressions of love are therefore symptoms, rather than causes, of incompatibility and disharmony in marriage.” There are those who ignorantly think that sexual intercourse is sin. Yet God tells us that it is good, and He made it for man’s (husband and wife) enjoyment. It is only sin outside of marriage because then it shows a selfish and rebellious attitude in caring only for one’s self, without commitment for the other person. Apostle Paul makes it clear that sexual relations between husband and wife is normal, healthy and expected because it was created by God for the good of man and woman.

I Corinthians 7:3-5: “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence, and likewise also the wife unto the husband...Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinence.”

Some men think that their wives lack of response is due to their being molested as a child, etc., when in reality it is probably due to their own lack of sanctification. If their life were more balanced in the fruits of the Holy Spirit, and more mature in their understanding and role of their position, they would treat their spouse with dignity, equality, and deserved respect. Thus, no matter what hurts or injustices she might have suffered in the past, through time she would respond most affectionately because you would make her complete. You would have understood and healed the hurts with patience and respect for her individuality, and together you would be complete fearing and lacking nothing that together with God you could not overcome. Husbands and wives should first devote themselves to God, and then to each other. All other relationships are on a different level and to some degree fade. However, when a husband and wife devote themselves to each other, they begin to fully enjoy the rewards of a successful marriage. Marriage was made to benefit each participant; to make them complete and in perfect oneness. Now they face life and the world as a unit. No other human relationship should come between, or threaten this relationship of marriage. Their loyalties and devotion is primarily to each other more than all others. Some men do not like shopping and some women do not like outdoor activities, but if they are truly devoted one to the other they will make an effort to be with the others and try to be an enjoyable partner. The main issue is enjoying one another and wanting to please your spouse as God wants to please Jesus in accordance with the Word and Holy Spirit so that the daily working and living experience can be successful, beautiful and complete. Amen and amen!

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